well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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