i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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