like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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