Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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