..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize