I want to stick my p in your. b.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
