he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
