Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
