Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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