Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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