there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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