somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
