Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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