her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
