my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
