I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize