I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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