birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
