But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
