She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you win again, gameday.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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