ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
