sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
