You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
