I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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