dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
