You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
