i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
