Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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