Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
