Your mouth is God's brothel.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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