And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize