if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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