Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
