can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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