question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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