i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's official drugs can't kill me
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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