If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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