I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize