Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
