did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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