Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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