so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
They took my balls.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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