I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
