So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
