I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize