he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
