I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
