So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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