I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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