you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
