Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
