I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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