why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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