I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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