Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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