So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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