I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
