i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
