In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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