'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
