On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
