Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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