exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You are the jesus of drinking
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
