My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
there is puke in my bra ... again
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize