If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
