I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You made out with two different species that night
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
