Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i've created a new STD.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
