And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
