so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
please come you make the beer taste better
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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