Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize