last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
