She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
