There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
