Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sorry about my life...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
