yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
