Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
