just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This show inspires me to have sex in space
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize